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That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Topic created By - (12 May 2012 - 11:41:34) Has anyone managed to have a rational conversation with an ageing parent without emotion getting in the way of any practical solution? Has anyone got any advice about how to approach a fiercely independent octogenarian?

Responses

Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Submitted By - Jessica 15/05/2012 22:10:14 I'd suggest approaching it to figure out how they can keep as much of their independence as possible rather than find themselves in a situation where they can no longer make those decisions, being as pragmatic as possible.  When my grandad died my grandma decided to move into a sort of sheltered housing so she could keep her independence - the housing authority have agreed to make the home adaptations she needs as she gets older. 

She doesn't like cooking for herself so we helped her find a company that delivers frozen meals of her choice every week that just need heating up - a win/win situation as we dont have to worry and she is eating.  Much better than when my great aunt was getting older and wouldn't eat properly as we just used to despair.


Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Submitted By - kingofthetrails 17/05/2012 10:11:57

What company provides and delivers the frozen meals? Are there many out there? I've come across a company called Wiltshire Farm Foods - anyone know if they are any good? My dad is 93 and still cooking for himself and I am trying to persuade him that there are alternatives without having to go through any assessment with the local social services.
Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Submitted By - Jessica 17/05/2012 17:02:01

Wiltshire are the ones my grandma uses and she got them through a recommendation from someone else.  I haven't tried them myself though! She just picks what she wants from the brochure and then they deliver once a week (though you don't have to order every week). 

 

I guess the advantage for your dad would be that he can cook if he wants to and they are they are there when he doesn't feel like it. 

Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care

This a really emotive subject and one that raises many challenges. You may find it useful to take a look at some tips from one of our expert contributors on tactics for approaching a difficult conversation.

The link is below and the info can be found on the Oakdale page of our experts section.

www.engagewithyou.com/expert-help/expert-comment-and-help/having-the-big-conversation/

Hope this helps and let us know how you get on.
Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Submitted By - kingofthetrails 14/05/2012 12:08:11 Been through this 3 times. Be thankful that they are fiercely independent - talk about help and support and not care or nursing homes. Identify those things that will help your ageing relative retain their independence - cleaning, laundry, meals on wheels, gardening, finances, regular visits, etc.  
Re: That 'big' conversation about elderly care
Submitted By - Jemmeroni 28/05/2012 20:44:55 Thanks, everyone: very useful and practical comments.

My mother-in-law is severely disabled with osteo-arthritis and we have patched together a care system around meal deliveries, church friends and relatives. She's 270 miles away, though, which brings its own problems.